Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They took my balls.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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