I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Farmville is her only friend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
