he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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