We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
