I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
