I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
