The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
