I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
