You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
