Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
