Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
