Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
