no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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