i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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