Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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