The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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