hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
