Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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