mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
