I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
