Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
