peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
