We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
