dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
