woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
50% drunk capacity currently
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
