If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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