please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
