i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
