The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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