Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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