Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
