There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
