i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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