benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
