I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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