after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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