She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
where are my eyebrows?
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