every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
