I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
