I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
