don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
