Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
