Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
