You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
