the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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