I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
