you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My vagina is officially offended.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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