Your face is a jimmy john
i just google imaged poop.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
