Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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