is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
