So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
