Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
