We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
