I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
