Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize