oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize