Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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