Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize