So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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