There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So vagazzling was a success
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
