Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
