R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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