I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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