You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
