Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
