All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
