Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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