there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
