I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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