Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
