Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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